Rest in Peace Grandpa.
I know our relationship wasn’t the greatest nor the brightest, but it was simple. A naive teenage girl, and an old veteran. It just doesn’t click. I was focusing more on friends and fun, rather than appreciating your last times with us. I remember you would write all these letters to the government, and you would ask me to type them for you, since I typed faster than anyone in the house. I would gladly do the letters for you, because well, you paid me to do it. But coming home from school, I was very exhausted, and sometimes I would get frustrated with you. I remember you saying “oh pasensya na” (oh i’m sorry to have bothered you). I regret it, I regret it so much, that it puts so much pain in my heart. If I could take all of it back, I would type all the letters you needed me to type, any day, any hour, any second. Even if I’m coming home from school, and exhausted, I would do your letters first than my homework, I really would. Even if you didn’t have to pay me. I remember, you would always drive to the gas station. You always went to go do the lottery, all the time, and then one day, some jackass stole your car, because you were getting old and you forgot the keys in the car. Mom was so mad, and lola too, I remember you were crying, you felt like the whole world was mad at you, because we lost a car, but we weren’t. We were mad at the fact, that some asshole had the nerve to steal a car from an old man, we were mad because something could’ve happened to you, and you had no phone, and we would’ve never known. You walked home, that day, and came home to a very angry family, and no one ever took the time to tell you, that we weren’t mad at you.
The saddest thing is my last memory with you. I remember, I went to your room to ask a phone number from the Philippines, you just kept pointing at an address from a package. I went to my mom’s room and told her how you were acting really odd. We both went inside your room to check if you were okay, and when we did, you stood up and fell backwards. We were so scared. I was the one who called 911 for you. When we went to the hospital, we found out you had a mild stroke, and you had a gal stone as big as a ping pong ball in your gall bladder, and that you had cancer in the kidneys. You were too old to have surgery tooken out, so we decided to let you live your life in the Philippines.
Who knew time would fly by so fast. I am so angry at the world, so much hatred at the doctors in the Philippines, because it seemed like they didn’t try hard enough, I am so angry at my own blood for not taking care of you that well. I am so angry at myself, because I could’ve have done at least something to let you live longer.
The night my grandfather died, his blood pressure was really low, and he was in critical condition. The doctor said, anytime soon, be prepared. When it was a couple minutes before he passed away, he was fighting, he was fighting so hard, he managed to have his blood pressure on stable. The reason he kept fighting is because he promised us that he would go back here in Houston, so we can take care of him, but we told my dad “tell lolo, that we’re fine here, and if he needs to rest, he needs to let go, and we’ll be fine.” When he heard that, he passed away.
I was at a party, when my mom texted me he died, and I left right away.
My last words to my grandpa was a voice recording of me that he listened to just a few minutes he died.
“Lolo, don’t be sad, take the time to strengthen yourself, so you can go back here and we can play the lotto, the pot is $37 billion now. haha. You’re a very strong man, you were a military general, so you can handle this, you can be strong, just take time, step by step. Please be happy, I love you so much, tell lola I love her too. Magpagaling na po kayo (Get yourself better)”
I love you so much, rest peacefully, and I will hope to see you soon.
